Being Irish in America means...

• you will never play professional basketball
• you swear very well
• at least one of your cousins holds political office
• you think you sing very well
• you have no idea how to make a long story short
• much of your food was boiled
• you have never hit your head on the ceiling
• you're strangely poetic after a few beers
• you're poetic a lot
• someone in your family is incredibly cheap
• it is more than likely you
• you don't know the words but that doesn't stop you from singing
• you can't wait for the other guy to stop talking so you can start talking
• "Irish Stew" is the euphemism for "boiled leftovers from the fridge"
• you're not nearly as funny as you think you are, but what you lack in talent, you make up for in frequency
• you are genetically incapable of keeping a secret
• your parents were on a first name basis with everyone at the local emergency room

(It's astounding how many of these sound just like me...)